Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
