All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
