dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
