my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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