Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
