these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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