i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
