evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
