How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
