i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
