also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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