the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Blood and glitter go together right?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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