She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
