I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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