How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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