8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
