dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
