i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
