I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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