I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
