My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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