Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
