Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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