i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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