hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
