It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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