Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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