She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
