Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
