so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just had sex on a roof
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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