Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
