you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
