My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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