i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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