piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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