I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
