Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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