An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's never too late to be topless.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
