I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
