let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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