glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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