I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
