can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
