Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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