haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
