Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
