remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
