well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She bit a glass in half.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
