whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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