whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
