I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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