I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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