I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
